"Discovered that perhaps one hidden way I use to escape present circumstances offered me by the Lord--like language studies,the last four years teaching high school, my last few months of illness, always moving etc.---is to imagine that all this is a preparation for some greater future work when I will presumably be able to use all this garnered experience and wisdom to be a great help as a preacher or teacher with a large impact.
"It's as if the Lord turned a light on a little secret fantasy I keep in a dark corner. While its true that nothing is lost in the Lord and all seems to secretly build toward some future utilization for His service, I've realized that I've turned this into a fantasy that I'm getting attached to as the 'true reality' that I'm only preparing for through this trackless wandering...
"But this contrary to God's words that declares that eternal life starts now, even and especially in the hidden forms such as Nazareth or the seeming failure of Calvary. No wonder I'm rushing forward, despising the present and stepping on it in order to get to the glorious future...
"In Mt 24:42-51, Jesus wants to find us busy working at whatever task He's entrusted to us. It's not the big and flashy works and success that we might choose. It's the day-in day-out fidelity that He's looking for...
"Have I moved so often and so far because of this kind of ambition for something bigger or greater? Am I lead by the Holy Spirit or my own ambitions? Am I dedicated to God's greater glory but running a deal on the side for myself ?"
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