"I've given much thought and prayer lately to asking the Lord to show me what my 'personal vocation' is. Today, in prayer, I came as close as to this discovery as I ever have when I read Habakuk 3:17-19 in the Breviary:
'For though the fig tree blossom not, nor fruit be on the vine,
Though the yield of the olive fail and the terraces produce no nourishment,
Though the flocks disappear from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,
Yet will I rejoice In the Lord and exult in my saving God.
God, my Lord, is my strength.
He makes my feet swift as those of the hinds and enables me to go upon high places.'
"Even though I've read this passage many many times, today it deeply consoles me because it is the truth. In our nothingness and poverty, God's glory shines and His power is perfected and manifested as He fills us with His life...This is truth for all, of course, but for me it is personal and particular. So many of my favorite Scripture passages are built around this same theme. E.g., 2 Cor 12:7-10, Rmns 12:1-2, Hbrws 10:5-10.
"My own history of grace and salvation is reflected in all these passages and revolves around the way God has worked through allowing me to taste my existential poverty in my weaknesses on every level....All these weaknesses and failures and trials were/are really invitations by my Lord to accept His self-gift, to empty myself and be filled with Him, thus becoming more my true self.
"I recall, Lord God, the great grace you gave me while I lived in Korea. Instead of spreading the knowledge of you throughout Asia, you chose instead to meet me in my extended illness, in my inability to become fluent in the language etc and you came into my leaky little house and stayed with me in my poverty until I recognized You and, therefore, recognized more of who I really am. Just as you did in Bethlehem, and with Zaccheus and at Golgotha.
"As so I learned to praise You in my poverty. That what I perceive as one reality, You, by means of your presence, change into a higher reality as I begin to praise You. And so my personal vocation is Praise in Poverty...This seems to be the thread or cord upon which You have strung all the beads of my joys, sorrows and my glory: The Paschal Mystery lived out in my own flesh...Protected by Mary and Joseph and instructed by Ignatius, You are forming my identity as your son in the Son...
"This grace seems to help me explain better the paradox that I feel in my bones. That is being
a Living Desire,
a Perpetual Advent,
an Empty Fullness,
a Loveless Passion.
To this I will add, a Praising Poverty!
"Is my identity then precisely the first Beatitude?
Part of me rebels at the idea and realization of being poor forever in this world, at ever deepening levels. Dearest God, give me the grace not to refuse this coming and this embrace of Yours! Amen."
No comments:
Post a Comment