July 29, 1978 (79)"On an inspiration, I decided to look at God's mercy in my life. Like Ignatius, I started with my history (memoria) and looked at what God was doing all along (intellectus). What I saw was this...
"Starting from way back in grade school when my history of sin began, simultaneously, my history of grace began. As I was more attracted to the sin and idolatry of this world (riches, power, lust, lying to get what I wanted etc.), God was attracting me even more strongly to Himself and the things of God. E.g., Even as the sexuality of adolescence burned, God drew me more sweetly through the rosary, prayer, retreats, the idea of a vocation etc...And so during my life as a Jesuit, the more I misused His love, the more love He gave me...He simply loved me in spite of myself.
"The arch instance has to be that, while I was killing Christ, God was giving Him to me and Christ was giving Himself with love and forgiveness to me, His executioner. 'Father, forgive him. He doesn't know what he's doing.' He meets all my sin with grace; all my tiny, lukewarm efforts (like this prayer) with His grand, burning love.
"He has truly carried, all through my life, on His eagles wings. 'Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound.' God seems to be wanting to win my heart by simply overwhelming me with love. Like Christ turning the other cheek, loving His enemies. It is God's way of redemption!"
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