Sogang Universtiy,
South Korea
"Meditated on Peter's denial and the Passion of Jesus (Spiritual Ex #292).
Tried to be present simply through my imagination, intellect and will. My prayer is poor and that's a helpful purification in meditating on the Passion. I'd like to have strong reactions like Ignatius did but I react more like one who doesn't really love Jesus. Like Peter, when the moment of truth arrives, I choose myself over Jesus. Yet I am consoled that Jesus is doing this precisely for me, a weak sinner, so that one day I might be able to love and suffer with Him.
"I see His face, smitten and running with dirty spittle. After Communion, I realized that I am feeding off the New Human Being that Jesus forged through His suffering, through obedience, through love. Feeding off His flesh and blood and will, always ordered to the Father's will, now as man was originally created in his full potential, mind, courage, patience and faith.
"Perhaps Jesus is letting me experience what the apostles did during His Passion. They certainly couldn't take any satisfaction or pride in sharing His passion, as I can't. What He is doing for us is pure gift--taking our sins on Himself without our help or appreciation because He loves us and has promised the Father that He will save us by expiating our sins...
"Underneath all is hope that I can truly become a lover of the Passion, both in deed and in intuition; that I can love to suffer for Christ as did Ignatius; that I can eagerly embrace the humiliations and difficulties of learning and speaking Korean, the crowded buses, bodily sickness and insults.
"Dear Jesus, Thank you. I bless and praise you in weariness and darkness for you are carrying me, so heavy.
Give me the grace I ask for: The grace to love your Passion. I know the conquest of the world for You must begin with the conquest of myself."
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